BART'S CHALKBOARD SEASON ONE "I will not yell 'fire' in a crowded classroom" "I will not waste chalk" "I will not skateboard in the halls" "I will not burp in class" "I will not instigate revolution" "I did not see Elvis" "I will not draw naked ladies in class" "I will not call my teacher 'hot cakes'" "They are laughing at me, not with me" "Garlic gum is not funny" SEASON TWO "I will not xerox my butt" "Tar is not a plaything" "I will not encourage others to fly" "I will not trade pants with others" "I will not do that thing with my tongue" "I am not a 32-year-old woman" "I will not pledge allegiance to Bart" "I will not sell school property" "I will not cut corners" (with ibid marks beneath) "I will not get very far with this attitude" "I will not make flatulent noises in class" "I will not sell school property" "I will not belch the national anthem" "I will not sell land in Florida" " I will not grease the monkey bars" " I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment" "I will not do anything bad ever again" "I will not show off" (Done in calligraphy) "I will not sleep through my education" "Nobody likes sunburn slappers" "I am not a dentist" SEASON THREE "Spitwads are not free speech" "Potato, not potatoe." (used for repeat of episode) "High explosives and school don't mix" "I will not squeak chalk" "I will finish what I sta'" "Bart Bucks' are not legal tender" "I will not fake rabies" "Underwear should be worn on the inside" "The Christmas Pageant does not stink" "I will not torment the emotionally frail" "I will not carve gods" "I will not aim for the head" "I will not spank others" "I will not barf unless I'm sick" "I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge" "My name is not Dr. Death" "I will not conduct my own fire drills" "Funny noises are not funny" "I will not spin the turtle" "I will not snap the bras" "I will not fake seizures" "This punishment is not boring and pointless" SEASON FOUR "I will not defame New Orleans" "I will not prescribe medicine" "I will not bury the new kid" "I will not teach others to fly" "I will not bring sheep to class" "A burp is not the answer" "Teacher is not a leper" "Coffee is not for kids" "I will not eat things for money" "I will not yell 'she's dead' during roll call" "The principal's toupee is not a frisbee" "I will not call the Principal 'Spud Head'" "Goldfish don't bounce" "Mud is not one of the 4 food groups" "I will not sell miracle cures" "No one is interested in my underpants" "I will return the seeing-eye dog" "I will not charge admission to the bathroom" "I do not have diplomatic immunity" "I will never win an Emmy" "The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy" SEASON FIVE "All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy" "I will not say 'Springfield' just to get an applause" "I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers" "I will not go near the Kindergarten turtle" "My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man" "I am not delightfully saucy" "Organ transplants are best left to professionals" "The Pledge of allegiance does not end with Hail Satan" "I will not celebrate meaningless milestones" "There are plenty of businesses like show business" "Five days is not too long to wait for a gun"************* "I will not re-transmit without the express permission of major league baseball" SEASON SIX "I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr." "I will not send lard through the mail" "I will not dissect things unless instructed" "I will not whittle hall passes out of soap" "My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man" "Ralph won't 'morph' if you squeeze him hard enough" "Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the principal" "Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice" "Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does" "Next time it could be me on the scaffolding" "I will remember to take my medications" "I will not strut around like I own the place" "This is not a clue'or is it'" "Bewitched' does not promote Satanism" "The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far" "I do not have power of attorney over first graders" "I will not complain about the solution when I hear it" "I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface" "The first Amendment does not cover burping" "Nerve gas is not a toy" "I will not use abbrev." SEASON SEVEN "No one wants to hear from my armpits" "I am not a lean mean spitting machine" "The boys room is not a water park" "Indian burns are not our cultural heritage" "I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist" "Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things" "I am not certified to remove asbestos" "I will only do this once a year" SEASON EIGHT "The truth is not out there" "I will not hide the teacher's Prozac" "I did not learn everything I need to know in Kindergarten" "I am not my long lost twin" "I am not licensed to do anything" "A fire drill does not demand a fire" SEASON NINE "I no longer want my MTV" "My butt does not deserve a website" "Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story" "I did not invent Irish dancing" "I will not tease fatty" "There was no Roman God named 'Fartacus'" "Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related" "Pain is not the cleanser" "Silly string is not a nasal spray" "I was not told to do this" "I will not demand what I'm worth" "I am not the new Dalai Lama" "I was not the inspiration for 'Kramer'" "Shooting pain balls is not an art form" SEASON TEN "Butt.com is not my email address" "I will not file frivolous lawsuits" "The Simpsons Haloween Special IX" "No on cares what my definition of 'is' is" " I will not scream for ice cream" "I am not a licensed hair stylist" "The President did it' is not an excuse" "My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld" "Sherri does not 'got back'" "I will not do the dirty bird" "No one wants to hear about my sciatica" "Grammar is not a time of waste" "Hillbillies are people too" "I do not have diplomatic immunity" "It does not suck to be you" "I cannot absolve sins" "A trained ape could not teach gym" "Loose teeth don't need my help" "I have neither been there nor done that" "No one wants to hear from my armpits" "I am so very tired"